


Penumbra

by gyunikum



Category: VIXX
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Light Angst, M/M, Star Wars!au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-26
Updated: 2016-01-26
Packaged: 2018-05-16 07:30:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5819614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gyunikum/pseuds/gyunikum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The dark side calls for Taekwoon, and he struggles to find a reason to stay. Jaehwan tries to persuade him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Penumbra

**Author's Note:**

> It feels rushed, especially the end, and there's no rhythm at all, so, sorry for that too. Things go from 0 to 100 real quick.

Behind the soft sound of a gently flowing creek that trickles past his ears and the leaves dancing on the branches that hang low into the dome, all Taekwoon hears is silence.

And it deafens him.

He comes to the old meditating hall whenever it gets too loud, outside around him or inside his head, to make the noise go away, and somehow the crumbling walls manage to soothe his emotions every time. The familiar tranquility tames his anger when it gets too hot and dulls the light when it gets too bright.

Taekwoon chases that balance, nowadays more than ever.

He finds no reason to get up from his curled up position as he stares at the discarded equipment and tiny parts of the device that lies in pieces on the cracked stone floor. The ground is hard and cold but the pain in his tired muscles is not enough to make him get up.

There’s a pull inside his stomach, and Taekwoon turns his head to stare at the holes in the ceiling. Yellow warm sunshine penetrates the foliage and casts shadows on his face, and the warmth feels like familiar fingers massaging the knots in his muscles. An electrifying spasm runs through his legs, and Taekwoon is a hair’s breadth away from jumping to his feet and running away.

But he doesn’t.

Instead he pushes himself into sitting position and decides to reassemble the lightsaber once again. The screwdriver in his hands shakes as he tightens the last screw, secretly hoping that the result would be something else this time. Deep down he knows that there is no way for things to happen differently, because he’s put the weapon together in the same way as he’s been doing for the last few days.

Yet, he expects a different result.

For a moment, he wonders if this is what insanity feels like.

Taekwoon pushes the button, and the activator gets stuck in the hole for a brief second. An orange pillar flares up, straight and stable just for a moment, enough for Taekwoon’s heart to miss a beat before the beam loses its shape. The edge of the blade begins to waver as if it was a sentient being and didn’t know whether it wanted to give Taekwoon the satisfaction of finally working the way it should have been, and Taekwoon hurries to turn the weapon off, more out of fear of finally having to realize that there’s something wrong with him than out of fear of hurting himself with the unstable lightsaber.

He turns the weapon in his palms, examining its outer shell with narrow eyes. The hilt is simple with no ornamentation, just an ordinary metal pipe with a few screws in it, and at that moment Taekwoon hates it so much that he almost throws it into the creek next to where he’s sitting.

He wishes the water would wash away his troubles, starting with that damned lightsaber.

As he turns around to settle his racing heart, he senses Jaehwan before hearing or seeing the boy, so even though Jaehwan tries to scare Taekwoon, the other padawan just arranges his face as he quickly hides the unfinished weapon into his robes. He sweeps the equipment near the tool box with his leg.

“You missed lunch,” Jaehwan greets him with a toothy grin. He’s hiding something behind his back, though he doesn’t seem too bothered that it’s painfully obvious, with his hands disappearing behind his body.

“I wasn’t hungry,” Taekwoon shrugs, swiftly moving in his sitting position to cover the tools on the ground. He sees the knowing look in Jaehwan’s eyes as the realization flashes across his face, but he feels a little bit more relaxed knowing that he did his best to try to hide what he’s been doing in this part of the academy all alone.

“So I guess,” Jaehwan starts with a sly smile, “I can eat your portion as well?” he asks as he reveals a small container, his fingers wrapped around a pair of chopsticks in the weirdest way possible. Maybe he was rushing when he took them out of the canteen, and Taekwoon sees that Jaehwan’s hair is all messed up in a way that only the wind can – there’s only a slight breeze outside – and the faint pink tint on his cheeks.

His heart misses a beat again.

Instead of answering, Taekwoon grabs the plastic box out of Jaehwan’s outstretched hands and takes off the lid to peer inside.

“Tasted kind of weird,” Jaehwan comments on the side as he plops down next to Taekwoon, yelping when something cuts into his thigh. He reaches underneath his legs and pulls out a small metal screw. For a moment he stares at it with hateful eyes before looking at Taekwoon, eyes still narrowed.

“Screw you,” he whines and tosses the small bolt at Taekwoon. The other leans out of the way swiftly, making sure not to let the food fall out of the container. His stomach rumbles in discontent.

Jaehwan lets Taekwoon eat in silence as he lies down on his back, arms crossed behind his head as a pillow, and after a few minutes of staring at the green leaves over his head, the boy closes his eyes to let his skin soak in the warmth of the sunshine. Taekwoon stops chewing the piece of meat in his mouth when he sees a small, gentle smile framing Jaehwan's full lips.

There’s a drowning ache that radiates from Taekwoon's core, spreading its tendrils around his organs.

A vague idea has formed in his mind ever since he had finally mustered up enough courage to request for an appointment with Master Skywalker himself, and the more Taekwoon replays the conservation between him and the jedi master, the more distinctive shape that idea gets in his head.

Taekwoon doesn't want to admit it to himself, let alone tell Jaehwan no matter how much his friend deserves to know the truth, but he knows that Skywalker was right.

The dark side is calling for Taekwoon, and with each passing day he is less and less sure about his loyalty to the cause to which he swore at the beginning of his apprenticeship. The thought of being there brings him no pride or joy anymore, and he feels the obligation to stay less.

How can he tell Jaehwan?

He feels like he’s been running on nothing but enthusiasm borrowed from Jaehwan.

"How's your lightsaber coming together by the way?" Jaehwan's voice is like a stormy gust of wind dissipating the thick fog of doubt and _what if_ s in Taekwoon. It's not pleasant per say but Taekwoon would rather listen to Jaehwan ramble about his day instead of his own, toxic thoughts which he feels the dark side feed on.

"It's okay," he nods around a mouthful, slowly chewing, not because he wants to savor it - Jaehwan was right, the taste is kinda off - but to give his contracting stomach enough time to unwind from its tight of anxiety.

Master Skywalker has told him not to bottle up his feelings, which doesn't seem too hard but he's also told Taekwoon not to push the negative emotions like fear or hopelessness away. Instead, he should embrace them and mix them with his other feelings, to use them as his energy, as his connection with the Force.

Because if he doesn't, the dark side will pick at them until it gains a hold on Taekwoon that it can exploit.

Taekwoon thinks that it’s too late already, because he feels the black wisps in his chest filling his lungs, making it hard for him to breathe from time to time.

"Yours?" Taekwoon asks abruptly as he sets the almost empty container aside. He'll thank Jaehwan later.

"Wanna see mine?" Jaehwan's face lights up with childlike excitement and he leaps to his feet before yanking a shiny rod out of the folds of his robes, presenting it in such a dramatic way as if he was introducing the instrument to end all violence in the galaxy.

The hilt is fairly decorated in a Jaehwan kind of way with an elegant curve dominating the whole of it. Taekwoon even spies a strip of wooden piece fit into the grip, and he wonders how Jaehwan has managed to build his lightsaber all on his own.

He reaches out with his arm towards the weapon and Jaehwan hands the lightsaber to Taekwoon without hesitation. He makes sure to stay clear of the activator button as he examines the weapon, seeing the hours of work and amount of love and pride poured into it.

"You couldn't even deny that this is yours," Taekwoon says, giving it back, and there's a blinding grin in Jaehwan's face at the compliment.

Something pulls at the strings in Taekwoon's chest, jealousy, greed, when Jaehwan activates the weapon after warning his friend.

“I was hoping it would turn into some rare color, like purple,” Jaehwan starts as both padawans stare at the blue plasma blade, Jaehwan with admiration and Taekwoon with envy. Its edges are straight, and it only wavers for a moment when Jaehwan swings the lightsaber, away from their direction. He handles the sword elegantly, the fluid movements of his wrist speaking of long hours of practice.

“But this works fine for me,” he finishes with a genuine smile.

Taekwoon bites back the corny sentence of _it’s already special because_ you _built this,_ and just nods instead. He watches Jaehwan as he goes through their morning drill with relaxed muscles, and it takes Taekwoon a few moments to recognize the distinct technique.

He knows he’s been missing more classes than he should be, but it’s been harder for him to stay put and keep silent near to the other students and his teachers. It’s as if he’s becoming more and more sensitive to their affliction with the Force.

From the break of the first sunrays over the misty horizon of the surrounding marshlands, Taekwoon has been trying to empty his head in the old meditating hall. He’s well aware that part of why Jaehwan showed up right after lunch was probably because his teacher sent him to retrieve Taekwoon.

The thought makes him want to return less.

“Do you know your color?” Jaehwan asks sitting back, this time closer to his friend and unconsciously reaches for the chopsticks resting atop the container to pick at whatever Taekwoon refused to eat from the meal.

“Not yet,” Taekwoon lies without batting an eyelash. “I still need to work on the emitter matrix,” he makes it up on the spot. He wants to pat himself on the back for not faltering at all. He should feel guilty but he doesn’t. Maybe the dark side is numbing his empathy.

The emitter matrix works perfectly; he knows that the problem lies within something else. He’s just not sure whether it’s his faulty knowledge which he wouldn’t admit to anyone, or the fact that he’s been considering what he couldn’t even dream of thinking about when he first learnt that he was going to start training to be a jedi.

“If you need any help, just ask me,” Jaehwan pats his back gently. Taekwoon hums with a nod, staring into the distance.

He doesn’t think Jaehwan would be able to help him this time.

He likes Jaehwan’s company because even though sometimes it becomes overwhelming for Taekwoon, at least it never fails to push out the constant buzzing of that sense of _wrongness_ in his head that the dark side fuels.

He likes listening to Jaehwan’s words and his voice because they bring a different kind of silence to Taekwoon’s thoughts. It's almost like his voice brings order to the chaos that's inside Taekwoon's head.

He likes watching Jaehwan, his face, his body, every part of him, he likes it when his sight is filled with Jaehwan and nothing else because then the images that the dark side projects in his mind stop for a brief moment, and that’s all Taekwoon needs.

“Taekwoon,” Jaehwan says quietly. Taekwoon closes his eyes for a moment longer than intended.

He doesn’t want to see the worry that threatens to tear Jaehwan’s face apart. They are no longer pretending.

“You’ve been coming here an awful lot lately,” he continues, and Taekwoon’s stomach squeezes into a tight knot. He hoped he would have more time before Jaehwan brought up the topic, but he knows that he hasn’t been the most careful about his disappearances. Part of him always wanted Jaehwan to know.

It makes him sick, the thought alone.

“I know there’s something wrong.”

Taekwoon listens to the silence that follows Jaehwan’s bold announcement. He avoids eye-contact with his friend, that is until Jaehwan grabs his wrist. The older boy takes a deep breath, stalling the moment.

He feels like throwing up, not his lunch that he’s just digested, but words, words, merciless words, he wants to spit them at Jaehwan’s face so the boy would stop being so worried for him, so that it would be easier for Taekwoon to finally leave.

Guilt bubbles in a pool in his belly and sorrow prickles at the back of his eyes.

He hesitates. Jaehwan is looking at him expectantly, his face tight. Taekwoon wonders if he should go with what his heart is telling him to do, softly whispering into his ears over the screaming of his brain to escape.

He wants to run but he knows that he can’t avoid Jaehwan for too long. And by then the damange will have been done, and no matter how prepared Taekwoon would be, Jaehwan would want nothing to do with him anymore—

No. No, Jaehwan wouldn’t do that. Jaehwan is his best friend and they know each other inside out. They’ve been through high and low, good and bad and worse and better, and Taekwoon knows that Jaehwan would never do that if he were to just leave Jaehwan there without replying.

Sure, he would be pissed at Taekwoon for a time but he would come around, just like he always does. It wouldn't be the first time for Taekwoon to do something stupid with the potential of ruining their friendship, but Jaehwan has always pulled them through and welcomed Taekwoon back with open arms and a silly grin.

Would he do that if Taekwoon told him he wanted to join the dark side?

Wait, what? No, no, he doesn't want to–

Oh, yes he does.

“I can’t do this anymore,” Taekwoon whispers finally to make the dark side grow silent, and he balls his hand that Jaehwan is still holding. Jaehwan’s fingers release him immediately like he was electrocuted.

Taekwoon almost lets out a sound of bewilderment and displeasure at the loss of the contact and the warmth.

At the loss of Jaehwan.

“What?” Jaehwan blurts out.

“I don’t think I can be a jedi.”

“You want to leave?” Jaehwan reacts bluntly. His tone is different, raw and unfamiliar to Taekwoon’s ears. He doesn’t think his friend has been caught so off guard before.

Taekwoon remains silent, glancing at the ground, at his shaking hands, looks past Jaehwan, everywhere just so he wouldn't have to bear with his friend's shocked expression.

He sees the shadow in the dark corners of the dome shift, a shape. Then it disappears.

Jaehwan stops. He looks at his friend, baffled at Taekwoon’s silence. He doesn’t know if Taekwoon chose to remain silent because he agrees or because he doesn’t have an answer yet. Jaehwan hopes it’s the latter.

“Are you really considering leaving the academy?” Jaehwan asks incredulously.

The other boy chews on his lower lip, cracking his knuckles nervously. Taekwoon feels something claw into his guts and he almost cries out at the pain. He knows it's not physical but still it feels so real. The look on Jaehwan’s face urges him to confess everything to him.

“Why?” And Jaehwan’s voice is just so raw, it feels like a tap opening, a finger tipping a full glass over.

“The dark side,” Taekwoon whispers, shutting his eyes tight. He senses a dark monster hiding in the shadows behind him, but it’s all inside his head.

“T-the… dark side?” Jaehwan chokes out, incredulous. Taekwoon looks at him and the moment he does so, he wishes he didn’t, because underneath the surprise and disbelief Taekwoon sees betrayal on Jaehwan’s face, in the way his mouth opens, in the way his nose and forehead wrinkles, in the way his jaw tightens, and Taekwoon wishes he didn’t know Jaehwan’s mimics so well, he wishes he didn’t spend so much time staring at Jaehwan’s face.

“It’s driving me crazy,” he begins, voice just barely audible. “It’s been plaguing my dreams like it’s trying to coax me.”

“The dark side!” Jaehwan exclaims.

“You don’t understand, you can’t understand,” Taekwoon retorts with a hard tone, meeting Jaehwan’s wrath in the middle. Maybe Jaehwan is angry at Taekwoon for betraying him, or maybe he’s just afraid.

Afraid of what? Of the unknown, or of losing Taekwoon to the dark side?

A moment, then a minute passes, the cogwheels in Jaehwan’s brain turning, clicking in the silence that weighs on their shoulders like the stones and rocks they have to lift every day.

Taekwoon would rather be crushed underneath a ton of them than to be here right now, to have to look at Jaehwan’s broken expression.

“Master Skywalker could figure something out.” And Jaehwan looks so desperate, it tears Taekwoon apart because he doesn't understand why Jaehwan is so worked up.

It's not like he really cared about Taekwoon anyway.

Stop. Stop right there.

Jaehwan always cared. He cared when nobody, not even Taekwoon himself did.

Jaehwan has always cared.

“I’ve already talked with him. He can't help me," Taekwoon admits quietly. He couldn’t believe his eyes when the jedi master shook his head, and looked at Taekwoon with such a sorrowful expression on his hardened face that stopped Taekwoon from sinking to his knees, ready to beg for help.

There was no help for him.

Jaehwan kicks out his legs in frustration, almost hitting Taekwoon. The chopsticks clatter, the empty food container flies and ends up in the creek with a splash. Taekwoon follows it with his eyes and by the time he turns back to look at his friend, Jaehwan is towering above him, shoulders squared and his thin shape imposing.

Taekwoon has always been the bigger one of them but right now he feels so tiny as Jaehwan leers at him with anger flaring up in his eyes. He sees the muscles around Jaehwan's jaw moving, rippling.

Jaehwan lashes out. "What do you mean he can't help?! He's the wisest and strongest jedi out there—,”

"But I'm not strong enough!" Taekwoon raises his voice, standing up as well. "I'm not strong enough to resist it. It's like I'm being torn apart from the inside," his voice grows quiet, losing its previous vigor instantly. Taekwoon lets out a deep breath, shoulders sagging.

Even if there was a bigger difference between their height, there would be no way for Taekwoon to use it to his advantage, not with Jaehwan.

Jaehwan's expression changes from anger to surprise and then he's looking at Taekwoon with softened eyes. Or is that pity?

"There's... nothing that would help you?" he asks slowly as if he was trying to wrap his mind around what that meant to the future of their friendship.

Taekwoon sighs as he crouches back down, suddenly dizzy and nauseous, and he buries his face in his palms.

He didn't want the whole ordeal to go like this.

There's a sudden urge to punch Jaehwan in the face when the other follows Taekwoon and places a hesitant hand on his slumped shoulder. Taekwoon resists it, focusing on his arm not to move with all his might.

It's becoming harder to go against the dark influence that seems to be slipping into even the meditating hall. Maybe he shouldn't have come to a place that intensifies the aspects of a Force-sensitive person.

"There's nowhere to run. I can't escape from myself, Jaehwan," Taekwoon says, his voice weak and vulnerable.

"So," Jaehwan begins, choosing his words carefully.

He keeps his distance and it hurts Taekwoon. It feels like the pain in his body when somebody pins him down with the practicing staves, only this time the weapon drills through his very being.

"You want to go there?" Pain and grief flashes across Jaehwan's face as he gradually lets the realization sink in.

"A part of me does. The part that answers the dark side,” Taekwoon says, refusing to look at his friend. He plays with his fingers like he does when he’s nervous and his hands feel clammy with sweat.

"This is... this is crazy," Jaehwan sputters in disbelief. "I can't believe Master Skywalker--"

"He told me to take some time off," Taekwoon cuts Jaehwan off with a gentle tone. He doesn't want Jaehwan to think badly of the jedi master for not being able to help his friend.

Taekwoon thinks that no one can help him this time.

"Are you going to leave?"

Taekwoon looks away, biting into his lip. He can't bring himself to tell it straight to Jaehwan's face, he just can't.

"What if you end up going there?" Jaehwan asks suddenly, and there’s something unfamiliar in his voice. As Taekwoon glances at his friend, Jaehwan's eyebrows are knitted together as if in deep concentration. Maybe he's trying to use Force on Taekwoon to keep him from the inevitable.

The inevitable... since when did Taekwoon accept it as his fate?

"There's a possibility," Taekwoon nods, and he sees the last bastions of Jaehwan's hope crumbling with his words. Taekwoon wants to punch himself for making Jaehwan feel like this but he knows that there is no use ignoring the truth.

Jaehwan lets out an exasperated whine and falls back on the ground, stretching his limbs with a loud, irritated sound leaving his throat. He acts as if nothing happened in the last hour.

Taekwoon swallows, not knowing what to make of the sudden change in Jaehwan's behavior. He’s used to it, his friend’s mood shifting around from time to time but never this quick and never in such a serious situation.

"Jaehwan," he begins, not really knowing what he should say.

"Shut up."

Taekwoon was never one for running his mouth mindlessly about every little thing. It's not like he didn't like long talks but he found them exhausting, mostly because most of his peers just couldn’t keep the conversations interesting for long enough. And besides, Jaehwan talked enough for the two of them.

So for Jaehwan to tell him to shut up is a first and it baffles Taekwoon into utter silence.

Taekwoon closes his mouth and watches as Jaehwan's chest rises and falls with each breath he takes.

A false sense of serenity befalls them, and Taekwoon accepts what Jaehwan wants for time being. He keeps quiet, pushes every trouble and problem and thought to the back, and tries to empty his mind the best he can.

He stops and lies down on the floor as well.

He stares at Jaehwan for a minute or two, then turns around on his side and closes his eyes, listening to the spikes in Jaehwan’s breathing.

Time passes, Taekwoon doesn’t know how much, but the shadows expand and the angle of the sunlight shifts. The colors become deeper, bleeding orange and red onto the walls and the floor through the cracks.

Over the gentle sounds of nature and his own racing heart hammering against his eardrums, Taekwoon hears rustling. The feeling of Jaehwan’s presence shifts into a direction Taekwoon has never sensed yet, but before he could turn around to check it out, Jaehwan’s low almost husky voice stops him in his acts.

“At the dark side,” he says slowly, articulating every letter. Taekwoon hears him get closer to him, and the skin on his back prickles with electricity at a strange urge that coils deep in his stomach.

“You won’t have _this_ ,” Jaehwan whispers even though he’s not close enough to Taekwoon. The other padawan hears him though, and when his brain finally registers the words and their meaning, he whips his head around on instinct, self-control thrown out of the window of his mind.

Jaehwan is sitting on his heels in front of Taekwoon, with his ragged brown and beige robes pooling around his waist, and his shoulders are broad and his collarbones jut out, and oh god, his chest is so smooth, and there’s a little roll fat on his stomach and dark coarse hair, curly and thick, like the black mop of hair on the top of his head, and it's been so long since Taekwoon has allowed himself to let his eyes wander while showering with the others and Jaehwan, and something burning and red pools in the pits of his stomach—

“You won’t have _me,_ ” Jaehwan repeats in the same sensual way, gently biting at his lower lip before releasing it with his front teeth. His brown eyes scan Taekwoon’s face, looking for a reaction, for something that would tell him what Taekwoon thinks.

But Taekwoon knows that this is how Jaehwan understands him the most, so he rearranges his expression, and refuses the urge to gape at the sight before his eyes.

He doesn't want Jaehwan to know what he's thinking.

Or is it really him?

Jaehwan fidgets as a chilly breeze enters the open hall and skips between them, the young jedi’s skin erupting with goosebumps. He holds Taekwoon’s hard stare. Taekwoon sees on the barely visible movements that Jaehwan is biting at his cheeks inside, previous confidence seeping out of the way Jaehwan holds his back.

“Jaehwan—,” Taekwoon starts in a voice that is too weak, too thin for his liking but Jaehwan moves forward like a blur – _like a true jedi,_ Taekwoon thinks – and places his finger on Taekwoon’s lips to stop him from saying anything else.

“Please don’t go,” Jaehwan breathes, and Taekwoon sees the cracks on his face and the desperation that bleeds through them.

It makes Taekwoon’s heart break because he is not sure if he really wants to leave. But that urge, that sizzling urge is there, in the back of his mind, like a permanent itch somewhere on his body where he can’t reach to ease it, and it drives him crazy.

The urge to accept the dark side’s calling. It's so great, it's so hard to ignore.

“That place is not for you,” Jaehwan continues in the same begging tone, his finger still acting as a lock that is rapidly growing weaker and weaker with each second that passes with Taekwoon’s silence. It’s counter-productive because he’s wanted Taekwoon to stop talking but in the end, it’s Taekwoon’s answer is what Jaehwan wants the most.

Taekwoon is just not sure if Jaehwan would want to hear his answer.

Does he even have an answer?

Taekwoon carefully lifts his arm and wraps his fingers around Jaehwan’s hand to move it away. He opens his mouth but the words refuse to come out at first.

“I know,” he whispers. He doesn’t understand why his torso is leaning towards Jaehwan, but it feels like as if his every thought began to orbit around the idea of Jaehwan and his existence in the same time frame and universe as Taekwoon.

He doesn’t know which one of them kisses first, but it doesn’t really matter to Taekwoon anymore as Jaehwan moves his lips against Taekwoon’s, opening his mouth as a clear message to his previously hidden desires.

A small voice in Taekwoon’s head tells him that they weren’t hidden because Taekwoon has seen the evidence, has caught Jaehwan staring on more than a few occasions but he could just never truly bring himself to believe it.

But it’s there, it’s true, and the urges Taekwoon has bottled up and locked away resurface because the tilt of his head comes naturally to Taekwoon, and he indulges himself in the warmth of Jaehwan’s mouth and the soaring sensation that his soft fingertips leave on Taekwoon’s exposed skin.

Taekwoon’s arm trembles as he snakes it around Jaehwan’s naked torso, pulling the boy closer until their chests come in contact, and Jaehwan rises to his knees but also bends his waist so that Taekwoon doesn’t have to crane his neck too much. Digging his fingers deep into Jaehwan’s hair, Taekwoon feels their kiss becoming clumsier as the muscles in his jaw grow tired with each passing moment. He doesn’t want to let go, not even as his lungs start to burn at the lack of oxygen.

“You don’t belong there,” Jaehwan says against his lips, so softly that a breeze almost dissolves his words into the used air they breathe into each other’s lungs. Taekwoon finds it endearingly sentimental, but only for a second.

“It’s…,” Taekwoon lets Jaehwan press another kiss into the corner of his mouth, “I feel like— I’m—,” but Jaehwan doesn’t let him finish.

"I can't," Jaehwan kisses him chastely, and Taekwoon leans forward on instinct, chasing Jaehwan, "let you."

Taekwoon loses his focus, lets the darkness wash over him just for a second but it's enough because the next moment he's straddling Jaehwan on the ground, gripping Jaehwan's wrists together in a dead lock and he's biting at Jaehwan's lips hungrily.

Jaehwan squirms underneath him, moaning in displeasure as he tries to move away. His cries come out muffled, and Taekwoon tastes blood on his tongue when he slips it into Jaehwan's mouth. He doesn’t know what’s come over him, but he can’t get his arms to release his friend.

He just can’t.

Did Jaehwan not want this? Taekwoon doesn't understand.

One moment he’s on top of Jaehwan, trying to wrap his mind around the sense of pleasure that sparks in his stomach at the way Jaehwan’s face twists in pain, and then in the next the wind is knocked out of him as he slams against the wall of the dome.

“Let him go!” Jaehwan screams, one hand coming up to his mouth to wipe away the blood, the other one gripping his lightsaber, knuckles white. Only one of his shoulder is covered by his robe.

Jaehwan repeats himself, his yell feral, desperate, and Taekwoon activates his own lightsaber in the last moment, the beam so unstable that the second the two blades meet the only thing that saves Taekwoon from being burned through his chest is the small explosion that pushes Jaehwan back and drives Taekwoon further into the stone wall.

Taekwoon searches for his weapon, stretching his hand towards it until he feels the metal in his palm again.

“Let him go!” Jaehwan yells again, charging at Taekwoon. Their lightsabers meet once again, but only for a blink of an eye before Taekwoon is stepping out of the way, the beam of his weapon disintegrating.

“Give him back to me!”

And something dark floods Taekwoon’s mind, and there’s something horrible—

Power, power, power _powerpowerpower_

—surging through his veins, through his arm, pooling in his left palm and exploding into an invisible wave of force that knocks Jaehwan back, makes him fly.

Taekwoon jumps after him, his body light, his head light, free of everything, and he brings down his saber, the beam wavering, flailing, cutting through Jaehwan’s left side, the smell of burnt flesh stinging Taekwoon’s nostrils.

Jaehwan screams in agony, and his scream is the only thing that remains in his head as Taekwoon dashes through the thick forest, and his ears ring as he stabs the pilot of the spaceship that he knows brings the supplies to the academy every sunset, but it’s his own voice that echoes inside the small cabin as he leaves the academy and Jaehwan behind.

The dark side stops calling for Taekwoon.

It’s got his answer.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Kinda wanted to add a grey zone to the usual Force/Dark Side opposites.


End file.
